hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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