Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
