Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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