thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize