FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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