nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
