I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
