If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
