Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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