6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
