I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
