Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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