I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
