Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
