Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
