A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
