making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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