Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
