so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
