He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
