She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
