Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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