I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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