During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
