The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
