My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
