I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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