I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
