also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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