Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I want a musical about memes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
