Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
