Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
