Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
