Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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