I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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