He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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