my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
