capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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