I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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