3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
