Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
