I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
