Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
