He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
