I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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