y did u give ur computer a hand job?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We left the knife in your bed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
