the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
