Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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