I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
