like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
