I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize