I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
