Can i not drive my cunt home
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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