Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
