I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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