i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
