So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
