i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
