SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
