speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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