So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
