She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Every concussion has its silver lining
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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