Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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