Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
