Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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