I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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