shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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