Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
50% drunk capacity currently
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
