I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
