im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
